Oh, irony, irony, irony.
After extolling the virtues of extensive preparation for writing a short story (namely, six installments of "The Writing Process"), I plan out and write one in less than 30 minutes and get rave reviews from a little circle of novice writers.
I'd be happy right now if it weren't for the fact that I'm puzzled as to what went right. A hastily-written short story isn't supposed to be all that good, especially when I'm the one writing it.
Add to that the fact that I was supposed to write a sex scene into the short story (something that I've never done before), and I find myself really wondering about what went right.
Short story follows. Post your comments if you will. I need them.
...
...
UNTITLED
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Creak.
"You all right?"
"Yes."
Long silence. Soft movement.
"We don't do it much anymore, do we?"
"No."
Creaking.
Sharp breath. "Why not?"
"I don't know. Are you seeing someone else?"
"No. Are you seeing someone else?"
Gentle probing. "Not really."
Fast breaths.
"You didn't... say no."
"I didn't?"
"You said, 'not really'."
Lips to neck. Skin against skin. "Yeah. So."
"So what?"
"So... I asked her already."
Stop. Pregnant pause.
"...Seriously?"
Slow motion. "Yeah. Seriously."
"She said yes?"
"She said yes."
"Oh, God."
"Yeah."
Long silence.
"I, ah..."
"Yeah..."
Thought. Glance into each others' eyes.
"Oh, God."
"Yeah, well..."
"God. I... I... I think..."
"Yeah."
"It's not... the same. Not... anymore."
Rustle of cloth.
"Look, I'm sorry."
Rumpled shirt against naked breasts. "Don't be."
"It's just that, you know..."
"Yes."
Hands through sleeves.
"I... I don't know."
Gentle smile. "It was fun while it lasted."
"Yeah."
Forlorn expression. Hand caresses the cheek.
"I won't forget."
Long sigh. "Yeah."
"Yes."
"Sometime?"
Frozen. Shoes half-picked up. "No."
"No?"
"It'll never work."
Head nods. Understanding smile.
Lightest of kisses.
"I'll be seeing you."
"Yeah."
"Maybe in our dreams."
"Yeah."
Light from the open door. Slender form silhouetted in light and shadow.
One last look before the light goes out.
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6 comments:
that was good. it gives thousands of meanings.
Gail: Thanks, Gail. I find it strange, though, that it would take over a year before this got any reviews... :)
just started reading your blog today and when i read a new blog, i begin with the initial entries - a bit stalkerish. harhar
Gail: Geez, I wish I had that kind of patience. If I had the chance to go through all my old posts, then I'd probably be kicking myself every two minutes. :)
Good luck, though... there are a lot of posts here...
(For anyone curious enough to ask, we're posting these comments on January 4, 2006.) :)
Wow...good one! You've got so much talent. Congrats! :)
Daene: Dumb luck is more like it. I doubt that I'll be able to write anything like this again. :)
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