About an hour ago, I received official word that I may have been exposed to a highly contagious virus as of sometime last weekend. I am therefore posting this warning on my blog as a public service, in light of the fact that I was up and running about like any normal idiot over the past couple of days.
I have been notified that the symptoms of the virus include spot formations around the arms, legs and stomach (although never in the facial area), occasional itching sensations, feverish indications, and uncontrollable flatulence. If you exhibit any of these symptoms (particularly the flatulence), it is important that you do not panic. Feel free to visit your doctor for confirmation, and remember to consume your daily recommended portion of Vitamin C.
I assure you, by the way, that I am not making this up. (Okay, maybe I made up the part about the flatulence, but everything else should be accurate.)
Again, please do not panic. We are told that this virus is relatively harmless in nature (although it most definitely won't do wonders for your social life). I will most likely be visiting another doctor for a second opinion on the matter, so hang tight.
For now, we return you to your regularly scheduled programming.