The Sick, Sick Man

It's eleven in the morning, and I'm sitting at home watching the live telecast of the 2007 Academy Awards. Here's hoping that Scorsese finally takes the statuette home this time. :)

For anyone who's not in the know yet, I've acquired a job -- I start on Thursday this week. In fact, I've just taken a call from my new employer, who's already demanding to know why I haven't handed them a required medical certification document yet. (I haven't even started my first day and already someone's yelling at me. This doesn't bode well.)

I'll give you the same explanation that I gave them, I suppose, if only because it explains exactly where I've been for the past few days.

On Tuesday last week I got called in by the company doctor, who informed me that the physical exam I took in early February had come up with some very odd results. Specifically, they had detected abnormal levels of certain enzymes in my liver -- SGPT/SGOT levels that were ten times what was supposed to be normal. I was required to see a gastroenterologist, and I was required to do it as soon as possible.

Wednesday morning saw me being interrogated by said gastroenterologist. He asked me if I regularly drank alcoholic beverages; I said no. He asked me if I had been taking drugs of any sort; I said no. He asked me if I had any tattoos or piercings; I said no. (That was when he removed his glasses, gave me a curious look, and asked me if I was telling him the truth. I said, "No, I'm just a really pathetic young man.")

Given that he was seeing no reason for my accelerated liver enzyme levels, he recommended a battery of tests for me at a distant hospital. That's where I've been heading for the past five days, really: So far, I've literally gone through five different blood tests, two separate ultrasounds, and one inappropriately invasive prostate exam. If I wasn't there to take a new test, I was there to pick up some results.

The last of these results, by the way, arrived early this morning. So far all I can read from them is the fact that everything's normal except for some fatty deposits in my liver area; I'll probably wait for my doctor's appointment tomorrow morning before I draw any official conclusions. I'm only expecting to get a few cautions on what I eat, though.

My employer was less than pleased with the situation, although they were honest enough to admit that the situation was beyond mine or anyone's control. All the same, it'll probably take me a while to get my office access card. That won't get my first week starting off on a positive note.

The funny thing is that this comes right on the heels of the Chinese New Year; The astrologists have predicted a turbulent year for people like me. I'm not a superstitious man, though, and neither am I the kind of person who's inclined to believe in these things. If the universe is suddenly about to throw stuff at me, however, then I'd at least appreciate some sort of warning. :)