Sunday, September 06, 2009

Disclaimer: September 2009

The Lexicomancer
LN Medium humanoid
Init +2; Senses Listen +4, Spot +4

DEFENSE
AC 19, touch 13, flat-footed 18 (+6 armor, +2 Dex)
HP 65
Fort +8, Ref +4, Will +20
Immune fear

OFFENSE
Spd 30 ft.
Melee +3 blade of biting words +14/+9 (2d4+6)
Spells Prepared (CL 11th, ranged attack +9)
  • 6th—mind trick, war of wordsD (DC 20)
  • 5th—hypnotic suggestion, extended procrastinateD, scrying (DC 19)
  • 4th—backlash, extended Kyu's greater ward, tall taleD (DC 18), underwrite, venomtongue
  • 3rd—burning desire, captive audienceD (DC 16), denouement, lost lore, swarm of speech, yammer
  • 2nd—calm emotionsD (DC 16), edgewise speech, misplaced word, silence (DC 16), stern command, tenebrophilia
  • 1st—bluster (2), comprehend languages, confinement, protection from wordsD, windgathering
  • 0—clarion call, light (2), ministrate (2), temporary sustenance
D - domain spell; Domains - Literature, Debate

TACTICS
Before Combat The Lexicomancer is aware that all of the contents of this weblog are the original works and property of her austere master, and makes a comprehensive study of any who would defy this ownership. She immediately places her attention on any who would steal from her lord's repository of words, shadows them carefully, and waits for the right time to strike. In anticipation of combat, she prepares by casting protection from words and edgewise speech as needed, and resorting to burning desire in expectation of protracted battles.
During Combat The Lexicomancer acknowledges the presence of any authors whose works are used in her master's weblog, as these creators are always mentioned in writing; otherwise, she may request for such permissions during confrontation. Against opponents who plan to "borrow" her master's content, she demands that they ask proper permission, and immediately engages against those who use this content for malicious purposes. The Lexicomancer uses ranged spells and engages in melee as required; Common practices involve keeping opponents off-balance from a combination of hypnotic suggestion, misplaced word, procrastinate and tall tale, backed up by more than a few subtle taunts.
Morale The Lexicomancer immediately ends combat if she receives the acknowledgement or permission needed. If her hit points fall below 15, she uses clarion call to summon authoritative reinforcements, then uses her leave the last word ability or scroll of unerring flight to escape into the immediate vicinity. She then prepares for a second encounter with her target, and continues to do so until the target has been brought to submission. No one is safe from the wrath of a fictional construct.

STATISTICS
Str 10, Dex 12, Con 12, Int 16, Wis 16, Cha 14
Base Atk +7; Grp +6
Feats Extend Spell, Get to the Point, Inscrutable, Righteous Indignation, Sharp Tongue, Third Person, Voice
Skills Concentration +12, Diplomacy +14, Knowledge (Literature) +10, Knowledge (Law) +4, Sense Motive +12
Languages Common, Critic
SQ construct aspect, creative commons, mastery of the word, mouthpiece, plagiarist sense, think on your feet
Combat Gear wand of prosaic expression (23 charges), ring of dire threat (16 charges), ring of mind shielding, scroll of abject fallacies, scroll of mental fortitude, scroll of unerring flight
Other Gear +1 chainletter shirt, +2 blade of biting words, bracers of compelling argument, editor's manuscript

SPECIAL ABILITIES
Creative Commons The Lexicomancer is bound to her master by means of a Creative Commons License, which is reflected on the lower right portion of her master's sidebar.
Mouthpiece As a fictional construct, the Lexicomancer reflects the views of her master, and can willingly serve as a conduit for his speech, as per the bestow words spell.
Plagiarist Sense The Lexicomancer is supernaturally aware of attempts to steal content from her master's weblog, and immediately hunts down the perpetrators involved.
Think on Your Feet The Lexicomancer receives no penalties to her domain spells due to combat.



* No, you don't get a cookie if you recognize the template used here, because it's fairly obvious. And if you're curious, this took me more than a few hours to transcribe. But it does look somewhat authentic, and that amuses me greatly.

** No, Charles, I still have no idea how to play the game.

2 comments:

villageidiotsavant said...

Funniest one yet!

Sean said...

Dominique: I just realized that I left out the short description at the beginning of the stat block. I guess it's obvious as to what I've been reading for entertainment lately.