Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Dictionary of Text Anomalies

Animatopoeia — A word or a phrase, often separated by asterisks, that signifies a physical gesture performed by the author at that given point in the text. *rolls eyes*

Bovine Ignorance — It behooves us to admit the practice of using complex words in simple statements... despite the fact that the writer has no idea what the words might mean.

Censtar —
An asterisk placed in the middle of a d*mn word in order to disguise its profane intent. (Often to no obvious effect.)

Dirty Harry — A single statement that, for the purpose of emphasis, has been. Split. Into. Multiple. Sentences.

Extriclamation — The practice of placing more than one exclamation point at the end of a statement!!! This often has no visible effect other than reader annoyance!!!!!

Foot-in-Mouth — A sentence that contradicts itself, unless it happens to be true.

Gravel — ... Scattered... areas... of... ellipses... often... found... in... examples... of... excessive... usage...

Hyperdislocation — The unexplained presence of code in Internet text./p>

I-Syndrome — I mean, I believe that this describes a condition where I constantly use or I unconsciously write the word "I" five or more times in a sentence where I have no involvement otherwise.

Jinx Rule — The theory that there will always be at least one stupid spelling error in a work, regardless of how closely one editts it.

Knitted Text — A statement where the spacesbetweenwordshavebeenremoved, often to imply rapid speech patterns.

Llewelyn — An incidence where two consecutive words fittingly, unwittingly manage to rhyme.

Mouthed — "It's a dialogue attachment where the author has clearly gotten tired of using the word 'said'," Sean mouthed.

Neoscopy — The mankind-regulated practice of combining two completely unrelated ipso-factorial words (often via hyphenation) to form a new, fallacio-pretentious term.

Once Upon a Time — And Little Red Riding Hood said, "What strange discussions you hide in your stories!" To which the Wolf replied, "The better to get attention for otherwise monotonous topics, my dear."

Packaged Punctuation —
The habit of combining two or more punctuation marks at the end of a sentence to create a... mixed emotive effect!? Huh?!

Quietus —
The technique of erasing the fir— no, the second half of a word in order to imply an interruption or continuation of action.

Boring speeches are a waste of time / But not when they're seasoned with a pinch of rhyme / It sounds like Shakespearean rap in part / And not recommended for the faint of heart.

Supercalifragalism — Praeternalinguistically, it's the general term for the ability to use a word that is over twenty letters in length in a sentence.

Throwdown — It's an open challenge to you the reader! And I'm gonna do this because there's no obvious method by which you can challenge my authority! So... wanna make something of it, ya pansy?

Underbreath — The use of two obviously different font sizes for two succeeding sentences, in an attempt to imply a lesser degree of attention for the one in smaller font. Yeah, and your mother wears army boots.

Vocamnesia — The sublime condition of acquiring a level of vocabularial magnitude so detrimentally excessive that even the most primal of dedicated dilettantes shall suffer discorporate lapses in certainty that will cause him or her to subconsciously forget those matters to which you have originally summoned their attention.

Wrestling Yodel — ...A declaration whose vowel sounds are drawn out to create the illusion of voluuuuuuuUUUUUUUMMMME.

Xenoconstruct — Der zentens in veyk vokal akshent dun vy changing latters. Das ist gud, yah?

Ye-ese — Prithee forgive thine subject, for thy observation finds that this is merely an unconscious use of faux Olde Englishe.

Zag — A sudden, abrupt halt in a statement, which implies that something suitably horrible has happened to the writer other tha

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