Wednesday, June 17, 2009

A Man's Psychology Can Be Inferred by His Choice of Street Fighter

Ryu. You are an intensely competitive person. You exercise yourself both mentally and physically before an endeavor; you don't like walking into situations unprepared. You are incapable of thinking outside of the box, and instead resort to tried-and-tested methods in order to achieve your goals. You use these methods for a reason, mainly the fact that they work... and on top of that, you know exactly how to implement them to the best of your advantage.

Ken. As above, except that you're far more flashy and charismatic. You've got the mad skills — but some time ago, you realized that Number One happens to be a lonely place. You've played the field and are comfortable in the knowledge that you know how to deal with things... enough to go about them with a casual attitude and a sardonic smile on your face. You're really not as good as you think you are, but you're not going to lose as long as people think otherwise.

Chun-Li. You think on your feet. You're a guarded, cautious person who prepares a strategy beforehand and fully expects it to fall apart... which means that you have plenty of practice making last-minute changes. Reaction is almost instinctual in you, and life for you can be reduced to a series of moves and countermoves against the people you play with. You know when to push and you know when to wait; it's all part of the same game.

Guile. It's not about how well you do in the world, really. Instead, you feel that it's all about how you can take advantage of the opportunities that you observe. You are constantly on the lookout for openings — weak spots where you can drive your point home, or at least areas where you can push your own agenda. You're not into self-improvement as much as you are into using your strengths: If someone breaks one of your arms in a fight, you're just going to hit them with the other one. The only way people can get past you is if you let them through.

Blanka. You like to get up close and personal; the best way to solve a problem is to throw yourself into the solution. You have a lot of scars from experiences gone wrong, and often your misadventures outnumber your achievements... but your successes are held in high enough esteem that people don't consider you a slouch. You may not be strong or smart enough to hang with the best of them the first time, but eventually you'll get there. Just expect to get a lot of pain for all your trouble.

E. Honda. People don't expect much from you, and that's where the secret lies. You like being the underdog, the person who doesn't seem to hold much promise until you snatch success out from under everybody's nose. You're not as fast as them — but you're fast enough. You're not as skilled as them — but you're skilled enough. Your plan is to let them settle into their preconceived notions for as long as possible... then pull the gloves off and show them how you really roll.

Zangief. You hit things to make them work. You don't pretend to have an understanding of the basic nature of things like all the others claim to have, and that's because you don't. Why bother gathering every bit of information you can, when you just have to know what to do? That's the way the world works: You just need to point yourself in the right direction and pull the trigger. Everything else is just an irritating buzzing noise in your ears.

Dhalsim. You like surprising people, especially when you can defy their expectations so completely. If they expect you to go left, then you go right. People are at their worst when they're extremely predictable, and that's how you discovered the wonder of creativity and random choice. No one can ever figure out exactly what you're doing until the last moment, and that's when they find out that your eye has been on the prize for a long time. They may be ready, but they certainly won't be ready for you.

* No, this is not a serious psychological study or profile. This is a completely random article with no academic basis whatsoever, so lay off any accusations that I've favored one character over another. Street Fighter™ is the property of Capcom Co. Ltd., and I assure them that this post was written for parodical purposes (more as a curiosity than anything else). Don't sue me, or else I'll go all M. Bison on you. Psycho Crusher!

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