The Constant Techno

Somebody is messing with my modem.

For one, I can't seem to get a connection that lasts more than thirty minutes on my part; I inevitably run into a weird series of buzzes and clicks that sounds as though somebody's using the line. And while we're on that minor technical point, I have to tell you that this shouldn't be the case: While the modem does use your average run-of-the-mill telephone line, it's an unlisted number that no one knows -- including us.

I've since come up with a few hypotheses on why the modem's doing this to me all of a sudden. Either there's some telemarketer schnook out there who doesn't know when to give up; or maybe it's the executor for a dead long-lost relative waiting to award us ten million bucks' inheritance; or maybe the Ganaxians finally figured out where I was hiding, and I have to blow up this pathetic planet soon in order to cover my tracks.

If you've been reading up on this blog, you probably already know that this isn't the first problem I've encountered with the modem. For that matter, this isn't the first problem I've encountered with hardware or technology, period. It's probably safe to say at this point that, despite the presence of my technology-oriented college degree, six years' experience in web and multimedia development, and a tendency to gravitate towards electronics-related topics, I still know jack about computers in general.

Of course, there's also the possibility of just trashing the 56k modem and getting a Broadband connection. The problem is that there don't seem to be many quality services that reach my place of residence, and that's not even considering the fact that I'm broke, lazy, and out of work at the moment. (Buying a new printer last weekend didn't help my disposition any, too.)

In my current circumstances, the best that I can probably do is to yell and scream at the foul contraption that represents my only tether to the online community. Or, in the event that it actually does turn out to be a telemarketer, I can always do the yelling and screaming at them. I've never had any great love for telephone solicitations; it's as though they're the primitive forerunners of e-mail spam.

And I go ahead and assume that nobody else out there can possibly empathize with my current situation. You all probably have fast Internet connections from where you access IFilm or YouTube or whatever you crazy kids are surfing nowadays. Back in my day, we had 286s that took five minutes just to boot up, and draft printers with form feeds, and floppy disk drives, and GWBASIC, and MS-DOS. And in order to buy what little peripherals were available, we had to climb up the nearest hills where the rare stores were located. In the rain. Or the driving snow. Both ways.

Man, I miss MS-DOS.

*Sniff*

Guess I'm just an old softy sometimes. *Honk*

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