Saturday, April 18, 2009

The Next Two Weeks

The previous week marked a huge paradigm shift for me, as I suddenly disengaged from my position in a high-profile multinational company and moved into a new role with the local office of an international marketing network. I'm still getting over the culture shock, mind you, because the two workplaces are very different from each other. (Not to mention the fact that I traded in a position that gives orders for a position that takes orders.)

In addition to that, there's also been a slight complication. Because I left my previous employer quite abruptly (due to the fact that I'm not allowed to hold two full-time jobs at once), I still have to spend some time with them on turnover requirements. This wouldn't necessarily be fair to my new employer, of course, as this brings about a few hiccups for my schedule over the next few days.

As a result, I've agreed to remain on contractual employment for my new company while officially resigned from my previous one. While this means that I will get paid within the two-week period for which this arrangement will be in effect, this also means that my employment status and benefits are somewhere in that magical realm where the vaguaries play. I must assume the worst, of course — while the company might be generous enough to pay any medical bills or accommodate any legal issues of mine that may arise during this time, I can't immediately guarantee any clean resolutions.

Ultimately, this means that my larger plans will have to be put on hold for a while. This will be bad news for my factories in that unexplored portion of the Swiss Alps, as they've already reached stage three of the long-suffering Project Epsilon. We've put no less than eighteen months into this grand effort, but until my current status can be resolved, I'm going to have to put the slaves on retainer for a couple of weeks.

This new delay, of course, will have long-standing ramifications. I suspect that this may force me to move my expectations by at least half a year; the latter stages of the Subliminal Dominator aren't doing very well by themselves. In addition, I had those same slave factories contracted to start building my Intergalactic Death Ray in late 2011, so those plans will need to be shelved, too. The speed has been a vital concern for me over the last few months, really — I've been thinking of ordering a mass execution of the offending peons, but it would be too expensive to kidnap, brainwash and train a new team of experts at this time.

Fortunately, the other projects have been coming along fine. The Morphological Replica should be in its last stages of testing right now, which means that we'll soon have a good number of sleeper agents on active duty. The engineers of Project Iota were able to figure out the intricacies of the high-pressure cryogenic engine last week, so apart from the fact that we're now preparing the clones for long-term germination, we can probably start issuing threats to the world's governments in September. Best of all is the news that Project Theta — the Weather Control Satellite — has finished ahead of schedule; I've already promised Dr. Sivaramakrishnan that his wife and children will be returned to him unharmed.

All in all, these two weeks shouldn't be too inconvenient for my plans in the long run, as long as I can make a few adjustments. I fully expect that my employment status (and turnover) will be finalized before the first of May this year; otherwise I'm going to have to figure out what to do with those fellows in Switzerland. The notion of random executions does come to mind as a motivating factor, but I'll see what comes up in the next two weeks before I actually do anything.

For anyone out there who's contacted me on my current situation: Thank you for your concerns on my well-being. Moreover, I promise you that when the time comes and I become Supreme Overlord of Planet Earth, you will be among the last to be mind-controlled and enslaved as hiveminded drones.

Have a nice day now. All hail Sean.


kyutbabe said...

You have gone MAD! :)

cstiu said...

I really like this post. I really really really like it.

Remember me and my kind words, when you rule the world. :P

Sean said...

Oh, I didn't write it. It was my evil twin who did it, honest.