If that title doesn't get you reading this article, then nothing will.
It probably all started when I got my hands on Curse of the Azure Bonds, a rather forgettable Dungeons and Dragons adventure and novel. It was years later when I stumbled on a magazine article interviewing Clyde Caldwell, the artist of the Curse of the Azure Bonds cover. In a sidebar to the interview, Caldwell mentioned that the art for Azure Bonds was notable for him because the writer worked the female character and her depicted armor into the book itself.
That single sidebar got me to look at the cover once again. And the first thought that came to mind was, this is one of the most useless pieces of armor I've ever seen.
Now don't get me wrong. I respect skilled artists. I do a bit of drawing myself, so I know how much effort they put into their works. Heck, I'm familiar with the difficulties with drawing the female figure, so I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I reserve the most profound respect for artists who can take on the female figure and get fantastic results.
What I don't understand, however, is how such artists can effectively distort the meaning and function of armor. Khan Online, for example, has a set of armor that looks better suited to the Carnaval in Rio than it does to the battlefield. (One wonders how she could possibly move around in that thing.)
Granted, these are fantasy universes. And I'll agree that it's possible for a story to have female characters who are willing to wear such things. And, as a red-blooded male, I'll have to admit that it isn't all that bad to have a little fanservice every now and then. But taking what amounts to a mere chainmail bikini and touting it as effective armor just shatters all logical thought.
In other words, you can call it armor all you want, but if I can drive a sword right through that spot of cleavage or punch through that bare midriff, then it ain't armor.
I like to think that female characters can usually be written well beyond how much (how little?) armor they wear. To be more exact, I prefer strong female characters, which usually means that they'd be more than willing to strap on the same full plate that the males wear should the situation demand it. It would, at least, be a lot more intelligent than those female characters who think that a metal bustier is the ultimate in defensive technology.
Female characters are usually practical enough to realize that when they mean armor, they mean armor, not these skimpy bits that are the stuff of dreams. These artists can keep their visions to themselves; I prefer to write from a more realistic standpoint, thank you very much.
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Oh, and the first guy to mention Conan's costume gets a whack on the side of the head.
(All images presented here are the property of their respective owners.)
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