The Book of Suman

¹In the beginning, there was man. ²And man was alone.

³Man, being man, sought to create a companion for himself. ⁴Yet unlike as God before him, man was not capable of taking his own rib to mold a suitable form. ⁵"And yea," did Man remark, "for I doth hold much fear of pain, and even the anaesthesia is applied through really sharp needles."

⁶And so did Man search for a proper material with which to grant his new companion shape. ⁷Man brought before himself all manner of things, from sand to clay to toasters to monkeys to carbon paper to maple syrup. ⁸And although Man did study these for many a year, so did he finally conclude that none were appropriate for his seeking. ⁹Especially the monkeys. ¹⁰Even though everybody likes monkeys.

¹¹At this Man was truly vexed, for his only other recourse was to return to the prospect of a rib operation. ¹²For to his audience, Man asked: ¹³"Doth thou people have any idea how much that hurts? ¹⁴Get off mine case already."

¹⁵But then Man, in his fallible wisdom, realized that the material which he sought lay right under his very nose. ¹⁶On his dinner plate, to be exact. ¹⁷And with much rejoicing, Man saw that the humble rice grain -- yea, a thousand thousand rice grains -- was exactly what he required.

¹⁸Quickly Man set to work. ¹⁷He immersed the rice, and boiled and milled it under the stoic hands of watered stone. ¹⁸Night and day he worked at his new creation, and watched eagerly as it gained form and substance with each passing day.

¹⁹"I am but blessed," Man said as the mixture churned under his will, ²⁰"For I shall soon have a dear companion. ²¹And I shall hug him, and squeeze him, and stroke him, and call him George."

²²Thus did Man continue, to place his very blood and sweat into the sticky mess itself. ²³And to his audience Man said: ²⁴"I doth not mean that literally, of course. ²⁵For woe, woe, that would be extremely disgusting."

²⁶When Man realized that his creation would need a measure of consistency, he shredded the meat of coconuts and worked them in. ²⁷When Man realized that his companion needed to have edges as rough as sand, he ground hard legumes and other edibles, and stirred them into the bowls. ²⁸When Man realized that his endeavor would best hold a varied taste, he took sugar, salt, pepper and parsley, and prepared them for mixing. ²⁹But after a few minutes Man said to his audience: ³⁰"On second thought, I shall just leave out the parsley."

³¹And on the final day, Man lovingly wrapped his creation in the leaves of the banana tree, and he finally had a companion with which to call his own. ³²And much as Man had named the birds and the fishes and the beasts in his first days, so did he name his new companion.

³³"I shall call thee Suman," Man said, "³⁴for thou art born of Man himself, and have been created to serve as a companion, as one who would stand with me when I am alone." ³⁵Yet Suman, Man's new creation, would not answer.

³⁶And Man was sorely perplexed at this. ³⁷"Yea," Man said, "thou art Suman, and I doth created thee." ³⁸And still Suman would not answer.

³⁹At this unexpected development Man howled and beat his breast in frustration. ⁴⁰"Woe!" cried Man, ⁴¹"Woe be the day when all companions become ungrateful, for I doth gave this one life from mine own rib... er, rice." ⁴²But still Suman would not answer.

⁴³And Man became contrite, and knelt before his humble creation, promising it power, riches, perhaps the world under its grasp. ⁴⁴"That I would gift thee with anything," Man said, "for but a single word from thee, mine companion." ⁴⁵But still Suman would not answer.

⁴⁶And so Man finally stood back, and mused: ⁴⁷"I knew I should have used monkeys in the first place."

⁴⁸Man walked, and wandered for many days. ⁴⁹Seven times seven days did he wander, each moment thinking about the little Suman and why it so refused to speak. ⁵⁰And after many a thoughtful and forgotten day, Man was finally forced to admit that he had failed. ⁵¹"For yea," Man said, "only the one God may create a companion for me, despite the fact that women art very difficult to figure out. ⁵²Yet all things have a purpose, perhaps even this bastard frankenstein that I have seen to bring forth."

⁵³And at this, Man's stomach growled, for he had been bereft of meals for all those seven times seven days. ⁵⁴For after all his experience, Man finally understood.

⁵⁵"Delicious," Man said, taking the first bite of his creation.





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