Wednesday, September 21, 2005

The Book of Suman

1In the beginning, there was man. 2And man was alone.

3Man, being man, sought to create a companion for himself. 4Yet unlike as God before him, man was not capable of taking his own rib to mold a suitable form. 5"And yea," did Man remark, "for I doth hold much fear of pain, and even the anaesthesia is applied through really sharp needles."

6And so did Man search for a proper material with which to grant his new companion shape. 7Man brought before himself all manner of things, from sand to clay to toasters to monkeys to carbon paper to maple syrup. 8And although Man did study these for many a year, so did he finally conclude that none were appropriate for his seeking. 9Especially the monkeys. 10Even though everybody likes monkeys.

11At this Man was truly vexed, for his only other recourse was to return to the prospect of a rib operation. 12For to his audience, Man asked: 13"Doth thou people have any idea how much that hurts? 14Get off mine case already."

15But then Man, in his fallible wisdom, realized that the material which he sought lay right under his very nose. 16On his dinner plate, to be exact. 17And with much rejoicing, Man saw that the humble rice grain -- yea, a thousand thousand rice grains -- was exactly what he required.

18Quickly Man set to work. 17He immersed the rice, and boiled and milled it under the stoic hands of watered stone. 18Night and day he worked at his new creation, and watched eagerly as it gained form and substance with each passing day.

19"I am but blessed," Man said as the mixture churned under his will, 20"For I shall soon have a dear companion. 21And I shall hug him, and squeeze him, and stroke him, and call him George."

22Thus did Man continue, to place his very blood and sweat into the sticky mess itself. 23And to his audience Man said: 24"I doth not mean that literally, of course. 25For woe, woe, that would be extremely disgusting."

26When Man realized that his creation would need a measure of consistency, he shredded the meat of coconuts and worked them in. 27When Man realized that his companion needed to have edges as rough as sand, he ground hard legumes and other edibles, and stirred them into the bowls. 28When Man realized that his endeavor would best hold a varied taste, he took sugar, salt, pepper and parsley, and prepared them for mixing. 29But after a few minutes Man said to his audience: 30"On second thought, I shall just leave out the parsley."

31And on the final day, Man lovingly wrapped his creation in the leaves of the banana tree, and he finally had a companion with which to call his own. 32And much as Man had named the birds and the fishes and the beasts in his first days, so did he name his new companion.

33"I shall call thee Suman," Man said, "34for thou art born of Man himself, and have been created to serve as a companion, as one who would stand with me when I am alone." 35Yet Suman, Man's new creation, would not answer.

36And Man was sorely perplexed at this. 37"Yea," Man said, "thou art Suman, and I doth created thee." 38And still Suman would not answer.

39At this unexpected development Man howled and beat his breast in frustration. 40"Woe!" cried Man, 41"Woe be the day when all companions become ungrateful, for I doth gave this one life from mine own rib... er, rice." 42But still Suman would not answer.

43And Man became contrite, and knelt before his humble creation, promising it power, riches, perhaps the world under its grasp. 44"That I would gift thee with anything," Man said, "for but a single word from thee, mine companion." 45But still Suman would not answer.

46And so Man finally stood back, and mused: 47"I knew I should have used monkeys in the first place."

48Man walked, and wandered for many days. 49Seven times seven days did he wander, each moment thinking about the little Suman and why it so refused to speak. 50And after many a thoughtful and forgotten day, Man was finally forced to admit that he had failed. 51"For yea," Man said, "only the one God may create a companion for me, despite the fact that women art very difficult to figure out. 52Yet all things have a purpose, perhaps even this bastard frankenstein that I have seen to bring forth."

53And at this, Man's stomach growled, for he had been bereft of meals for all those seven times seven days. 54For after all his experience, Man finally understood.

55"Delicious," Man said, taking the first bite of his creation.

The Book of Clair
The Book of Kel


Dominique said...

Funny! But I'm thinking how much funnier it is that you had to work in all those superscripts.

Sean said...

Dominique: It wasn't too difficult, actually. I found the bible stereotypes a lot harder to work in.